In my last post, I talked about the gifts we exchanged for our anniversary, but I neglected to talk about the celebration itself. We didn’t do anything elaborate, just a nice bottle of champagne at home, then dinner at a nice Italian restaurant we wanted to try, and then we stopped by Papa Haydn’s (VERY popular Portland restaurant for decadent desserts) and got a couple pieces of cake to go, which we demolished along with the rest of the champagne when we got home.
The restaurant we went to was Mucca Osteria, and I have no beauty shots of the meal, because we were too excited to eat our food to take time to photograph it. But it was delicious – we shared a fresh burrata and heirloom tomato caprese salad, then we each had the seared sea scallops appetizer with truffle parmesan fondue, and then Ron had the steak with pancetta kale and green beans, and I had the wild boar ragu pasta. We knew we wanted to go to Papa Haydn’s for cake, so we didn’t order dessert, but when the server realized it was our anniversary, he brought us a complimentary glass of a grappa type dessert wine to share and two little biscotti to dip in it. The portions were perfect and the pacing of the meal was leisurely enough to keep us from eating before we knew we were full. We left completely satisfied but not stuffed – in other words, it was lagom ; ).
But the best part? We had the satisfaction of knowing we could completely afford it, so every bite was guilt free (well, maybe not calorically, but let’s not even get into that). We did not have to go into debt for it, and that made it all the more delicious. The restaurant was not outrageously expensive – I think we spent about $100 before tip (which included all the food mentioned above plus a glass of wine each), and then I think the cake (which is kind of ridiculously expensive) came to about $18. Totally within what we had budgeted for the evening.
This is also the first month since we’ve gotten out of debt where we have actually felt the difference. If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that in both June and July we still had some big enough expenses that we were having to come up with close to what we had been paying monthly on our credit cards, but this month we were finally able to breathe a little. And so breathe we did.
And let me tell you, it felt gooooooood.
We forgot to take any anniversary pics this year, so here is our wedding day nine years ago – newly husband and wife. Newly in wedding debt.
I was just realizing that it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything – in fact it’s been over a month! This is mostly due to the fact that all I’ve done lately is work and pay down debt, which means my life has been boring and uneventful. I’ve done some minor league paring down here and there, but nothing interesting enough to generate a blog post.
A couple days ago though, I was on my way home when I remembered that the previous week’s meal plan had run out and it was my responsibility to figure out what we were having for dinner that night. I was going to drive past the grocery store on the way home, so I figured I might as well stop and do the shopping while I was already out and about. As I started to get out of the car though, I found myself automatically reaching for my shopping list and coupons, and then I realized that I didn’t have either of those things, because I hadn’t done an official meal plan for the week. I also hadn’t checked recipes for ingredients, taken stock of what was in the fridge or cupboards, or gone through my coupon stash. I hesitated, feeling unsure if I should even go in, but I had snagged a great parking spot, so I decided to brave it.
Keep in mind, it’s only been for the past year that I have been doing meal plans/shopping lists/coupons. Prior to this year I would stop at the store much like I was about to do – with absolutely no plan of what I was going to buy, counting on the contents of the store shelves to inspire me. I figured it would be fine – I’d managed to feed myself all those years before, and back then I was often going shopping after a long day of work and rehearsal, when I was already exhausted and brain dead. If I could pull together a week’s worth of groceries in that frame of mind, how hard could it be now?
Forty five minutes later, I was still wandering the aisles of the store like a zombie, staring blankly at all the food, with no solid plan for dinner that night. In my cart I had two boxes of Kleenex (I had a cold last week), a roll of paper towels, a package of marked down Reeses’ Peanut Butter Eggs, and a bottle of shampoo for Ron. With the exception of the candy, there was no actual food in my cart. I had been up and down pretty much every aisle at least twice, but couldn’t make a single decision about what to buy, for a few reasons:
- I knew had coupons at home for things like pasta, chicken, bread and frozen vegetables, so I didn’t want to buy any of those items on this trip when I knew I could save money on them
- I couldn’t remember what produce we already had in the fridge, and didn’t want to buy more than we could eat in a week and have the excess rot
- I couldn’t remember my and Ron’s schedules for the week, so I didn’t know how many meals I actually had to plan vs. meals where leftovers or something from the freezer would suffice
- For every dinner idea I could think of, I knew there were items I wasn’t going to be able to remember, which would mean having to run back to store again before dinner if I’d forgotten anything
Add to all this the fact that it is the end of the month, and I knew we only had about $60 in our checking account, so wasting money on anything we didn’t absolutely need was not an option.
So I made the decision that I would only buy enough stuff to get us through dinner that night, and I would come back the next day after I’d taken the time to do a proper meal plan and shopping list. And I reminded myself that we already had a partial bag of Easter Peanut M&M’s and Easter Whopper Eggs in the cupboard, so I put the Reeses’s Peanut Butter Eggs back on the markdown table. I saw some ground beef that was on sale so I decided to make burritos for dinner, since I was pretty sure we had most of the other ingredients already. I checked out with a bill of about $16, which wasn’t too bad, but later that night Ron had to run back to the store right before dinner and spend more money when we discovered that we had only one tortilla left in the package, and though I remembered seeing half a bag of tortilla chips in the cupboard, he’d somehow polished those off when I wasn’t looking.
It was a revelation to me that my new habits around grocery shopping were suddenly so much stronger than my old ones. The amount of money we’ve saved on groceries in the past year, along with the fact we no longer waste food has been a very positive change in our household. We have also found it a relief to know what is for dinner every night, so when we’re hungry and grumpy at the end of the day we don’t have to ransack the cupboards or navigate the store with all the other hungry grumpy people. I’m all for spontaneity and satisfying in the moment cravings, but when it comes to staying on budget, and not being wasteful, I definitely feel my new habits are the way to go.
The next day I went to the store, meal plan made and shopping list in hand. I was in and out of the store in a painless and focused ten minutes, and this time, everything in my cart was food:
Believe it or not, combined with some of the food we already have and need to use up, it’s enough food to get us through to the end of month before payday. We will use every bit of it. The total bill was $25.31 (about half of what was left in our bank account). I actually didn’t have any coupons for what I was buying this trip, but I felt better knowing I had at least checked to be sure.
I am still work in progress around this whole lagom quest, and I still make a lot of mistakes. But this week taught me that at least in ONE area of my life, I am now sincerely living by lagom values.
A couple days ago, I talked about how much I love the holiday tradition of wrapping presents. The other holiday activity I really love is baking. My mom is a great baker, and she churned out a ton of treats every year for Christmas. Here is a list of what we looked forward to every December:
- Butter Balls (I think some people call them Mexican wedding cookies)
- Almond Crescents
- Sugar Cookies
- Fudge
- Vanilla Spritz
- Chocolate Spritz
- Vanilla, Cherry, and Coconut filled chocolates
- Filbert Fingers
I used to love to perch on a chair on the other side of the kitchen counter and watch her make it all. She would let us help with the decorating, like shaking colored sugar and sprinkles onto the Spritz cookies, and decorating the sugar cookies with frosting and cinnamon candies. And of course, I loved eating it all too. A few years ago, I had her teach me how to make all her cookie recipes, and it’s been fun to recreate those childhood goodies, along with new recipes I’ve picked up from friends and magazines over the years.
But I have noticed that I always end up throwing a lot of cookies away in early January. My mom was making cookies for a family of four, and I am making them for a family of two – one of whom travels a lot. So things just don’t get eaten. Not to mention, though Ron claims he likes ALL the cookies, the only thing he really ends up eating out of everything I make is this stuff called matzoh roca, which is a recipe I got from my friend Amy, who is Jewish. She makes the matzoh roca for Passover, and calls it “Passover Crack”, and I can see why – sweet, salty, toffee-y and chocolately, it is super delicious and addictive. The first time I tried it, I was in a meeting where Amy had brought some in to share, and I think I devoured 90% of it in the course of an hour, and ultimately asked her for the recipe. It is the only treat Ron specifically asks me to make, and the only thing he refuses to let me give away to friends.
Ever since we started meal planning a few months ago, we have gotten really good at not wasting food, and I wanted the trend to continue for the holidays. While I was determined to still enjoy some baking this year, I was equally resolved to not to have to throw away any cookies either. So instead of making ALL the cookies I know and love from childhood and beyond, I picked the top four favorites I was craving – frosted gingerbread, frosted sugar cookies, cherry chocolate chip pistachio biscotti (recipe courtesy of my friend Laura of Pastry Girl), and the matzoh roca. A nice mix of a little chocolate, a little vanilla, a little spice, a little Mom, a little Martha Stewart, a little Pastry Girl, and a little Passover. Perfect. I did debate doing the almond crescents as well, but I couldn’t help but feel like they might be one cookie more than we would actually consume, and I was also trying to keep my ingredient costs down as much as possible.
Then I had my friend Lori come over with my godsons, Jake and Sam, and I packed up about 70% of what I had made and sent it home with them. Lori is not super fond of baking (check out the blog she wrote about that very issue for the Huffington Post, here), but she is a fan of treats, and the boys are always willing to decorate and eat whatever I make. Having them come over and help decorate was super fun, and I love being a part of their Christmas memories. I did make Lori her own batch of the matzoh roca, since that is her favorite treat as well, and Ron was adamant about not sharing his. I also gave a plate’s worth of cookies to my friend Nikki, who was getting ready to do some traveling for the holidays, so it worked out perfect for her to have someone else do the holiday baking as well.
I think what I kept for Ron and I to eat is the perfect amount – I am confident most of the cookies will be gone by Christmas – definitely by New Year’s – with nothing going stale or to waste. I was finally able to fit in all the fun of making the holiday sweets, without getting sick of them or tossing anything. That is a tradition I would definitely like to keep!
Our share
I haven’t posted in a while – not because I’ve been procrastinating, as I admitted in my last post, but for the exact opposite reason – I have been getting a ton of stuff done! Writing that last entry put a fire under me, and I managed to complete several things on my list, including the audiobook I was working on. It is a huge relief to have it done, and a week before the deadline. It left me with no time to write or clean house, though. And I still need to order my new head shots. But I did sneak in a few loads of laundry between chapters, so all in all, I feel pretty good.
I took Thanksgiving as my one day off, and we went down to my parent’s house and had a lovely time – probably because I didn’t have to do anything. I’ve never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner – I’ve always gone to someone else’s house for the feast, and I can’t say I feel any regret about it. I show up with a couple bottles of wine, help with some table setting, enjoy the food and the company, and then do a lot of dishes as my contribution to the event. Total win.
Thanksgiving night, while driving back home, we saw throngs of cars and a bunch of police directing traffic near a big outlet mall, hours before the stores were destined to open. I can’t think of a less pleasant way to spend a holiday night – or anything I would want badly enough to warrant sitting in a cold parking lot for five hours. I hope those people got what they wanted, but I have to say, I am glad I was not among them. I’ve never been a big Black Friday shopper – mostly, because I DETEST crowds. Especially crowds of people behaving in a competitive, greedy, myopic way.
I did consider going shopping this weekend- there are actually things I need at this point, and I would only consider buying them if they were in a really good sale. And I do have some Christmas shopping to do, though thankfully, not all that much. But here is the difference between this year and all previous years – for the most part, I actually know EXACTLY what I want this year, whether it’s for myself, or someone else. This whole lagom thing has made me excruciatingly specific, because it’s not allowing me to entertain things “I kinda sorta like.” My new rule is I have to LOVE it, because it’s going to be only one of a few things I own. I have a list of things I plan to buy when I have the finances to do so, and when I think about shopping now, I look at the items on that list, check online to see if any of those things are on sale, and if they aren’t, I take a pass. This is very, very different behavior for me.
I actually do want a new pair of shoes from Ron for Christmas, but I’m not 100% sure what I want them to be yet – I’m wavering between a pair of boots or a pair of flats. I considered going shopping for them, because I thought I might come across a great sale. But then I started thinking about it, and decided not to go. Because for me to feel good about the purchase, I would need to do a lot of research, trying on, and comparison shopping to make sure I was getting what I really wanted. And the busiest shopping weekend of the year didn’t seem like the best time to do that. I also know I only WANT the shoes, and don’t NEED them – I have plenty of others to wear even if I don’t get a new pair at all. As a result, I feel like I can take a ton of time to find some that I really love, for a reasonable price.
So I didn’t buy anything on this shop-tastic weekend. Instead, I stayed home. I saw my family. I finished the audiobook. I had a lovely coffee date with my friend Nikki. I did a second purge of my closet, where I pulled a bunch of items I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep, and set them aside to be decided on later this week. I cooked for Ron (who has been sick with a miserable cold all weekend), and I did some laundry. It was a happy, productive Thanksgiving weekend. And I don’t have any carrier bags sitting in my house making me feel guilty and uncertain. For that, I definitely give thanks.
This way to HELL. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Way back in February of this year, when I first started this blog, I wrote about our overstocked candy cupboard. I said at the time I was not going to buy any more candy until we had used up all the candy we already had. I have been mostly true to that promise, with a few minor exceptions:
- I bought a few boxes of heart shaped Junior Mints around Valentine’s Day, because I LOVE them. Some of the hearts have red centers instead of white, and I swear they taste ever so slightly better. They are only available around Valentine’s Day, which makes them extra special and covetable.
- I bought a bag of jelly beans in an after Easter sale. It was the only Easter candy I bought this year, and it was super cheap, so I didn’t feel too bad about it.
- At the Oregon Coast this summer, there is a great candy store that sells sea foam, which Ron and I both love, as well as some really awesome salted caramels. I would not have the patience to make either of those things myself, and we only go to the coast about once a year so we like to treat ourself to a couple pieces of specialty candy when we’re there There is also a great vintage candy store in Seaside called The Buzz On Broadway that sells a lot of candy I remember from my childhood that you can’t get in the grocery store anymore, and I bought two special candy bars while we were there, but I absolutely didn’t go nuts.
Other than that, while some more free candy found it’s way into our lives, we haven’t purchased any. We have been steadily eating the candy we have, or using it in recipes, like the Browned Butter Oatmeal Milky Way cookies I made, or the Peanut Butter S’mores Seven Layer Bars. We’ve shared it with other people, snuck it into the movies, and eaten it as snacks on road trips. I have avoided baking other desserts to force us to eat it when we were craving sweets. It has felt like an oddly laborious project.
It took almost eight months, but we have finally reached the end of our stash. We are down to one level box of Snickers, Milky Ways, 3 Musketeers, and Almond Snickers Bars.
I never thought I’d say it, but after eight months of steady grazing, I am officially sick of all of those candy bars.
Mind you, I am not sick of candy in general. Quite the contrary. I frequently gaze at bags of Peanut M&M’s and Almond Joys and Peppermint Patties in the supermarket. I’m sure Ron is secretly pining for Heath Bars, Whoppers, and Butterfingers. Those are the candies we truly LOVE. But whenever I reached for a bag, I reminded myself that we already had a ton of candy in the cupboard at home, and put it back on the shelf.
With Halloween coming up this week, and it being the end of the month and our food budget being down to the last penny, I asked Ron if we might just give away the rest of our candy stash to trick or treaters, even though they were full sized bars instead of fun sized. He surprised me by objecting. He said he was not sick of the candy, and was still eating it. This irked me, because I never see him eating it, and I am very aware of how much we have and how little the level changes, because I AM doggedly slogging my way through it. He put a couple Snickers and Milky Ways in the fridge this summer because he likes it when the caramel gets tough and chewy, and they are still in there, uneaten. I said that if he truly was eating it, I didn’t mind keeping it, but I damn well better start SEEING him eat it, because I was committed to not buying more until it was all gone, and I was completely sick of it and feel like I’ve been eating it mostly on my own. Not to mention he travels a lot and doesn’t eat at home as much as I do, so he doesn’t feel the same monotony I do around the contents of our cupboards. It’s not that I don’t like Snickers and Milky Ways, I do. This little exercise has just taught me that I don’t LOVE them, and therefore, they are not lagom for me. I’m sure Ron feels the same way if he really thought about it – because if the candy in our cupboard had been comprised of stacks of Heath Bars or Butterfingers, I can guarantee they would have been gone in about two weeks.
Eventually Ron relented, and we compromised. He kept four candy bars from our stash (along with the ones already in the fridge that he has probably forgotten about, but will totally claim he remembers after reading this), and agreed that we can give the rest away for Halloween. Then I went to the store and bought two fun sized bags of candy for $5 – a bag of Butterfingers for Ron, and a bag of Junior Mints for me, with the agreement that we will start by handing out all the full sized candy bars, and then break into the fun sized bags as backup if needed. I think we are both secretly hoping we only have about 20 trick or treaters (entirely possible in our neighborhood), because that is how many full sized candy bars we have, and then we can happily eat the “leftover” bags of fun sized candy that are the kinds we truly love.
I have no worries that the Butterfingers and Junior Mints will be gone by mid-November, making room again to buy more small amounts of only our very favorite stuff. You would think opening a cupboard and seeing it so bare would make me feel stressed about not having enough to eat, but the exact opposite is true. I actually feel less stressed and totally content, because when I open the cupboard, everything I see is something I can’t wait to eat.
Before
After
And the side benefit? We are going to be the cool Halloween house that gave out the BIG treats this year. WINNING!
The last of the stash
Two of my favorite cities in the world are Paris and Tokyo. If someone told me I had to pick somewhere outside of the United States to live, those would be my top two choices, and it’d be tough to pick one over the other. I love the romance, food, fashion, history, and beauty of Paris, and I love Tokyo’s crazy juxtaposition of sleek high tech modern culture with quaint tradition and serene nature.
And of course, I love to shop in both places. Paris is obviously a no brainer, with it’s impeccable fashion pedigree, but for me, shopping in Tokyo is pretty incredible too. Here are a few reasons why:
- I’m 5’2″ and have a small build, so clothing there fits me really well. It’s one of the few places I’ve been able to buy a pair of lined trousers off the rack and have them fit like they were made for me.
- I will never forget walking into department stores there, and being greeted by rows of smiling women wearing suits and white gloves who were calling out friendly greetings and encouraging me to shop and enjoy (like I needed any encouragement). It was like having shopping cheerleaders. Awesome.
- The clerk who rings you up typically doesn’t just stick your purchase in a bag – he or she will often pull out a beautiful piece of paper and wrap it perfectly first. It’s like walking out with a bag of gifts for yourself, which I guess is accurate whether they’re wrapped or not – but when they’re wrapped, they feel like gifts too. And then you get to come home and open them all. Whee!
- I think the Japanese design ethic is so incredibly charming – whether it is something super modern and functional, or kitschy-funky, colorful, and adorable.
Needless to say, whenever I had the good fortune to travel to Japan, I bought tons and tons of stuff. I still have many things from my trips there, and I treasure them.
The other day though, I did come across some items I bought there that I have never used – chopsticks holders. When I was there, I couldn’t resist buying them – they came in so many different shapes and colors and all of them were beautiful and unique. Look:
It doesn’t bother me that they don’t match, but I’m a little puzzled as to why I bought only five, instead of say, an even six. Was I running low on money? Quite possibly. I chalk it up to being young and stupid and never having really entertained before, so I was just thinking about what I liked instead of what might actually be useful. But in the end, it doesn’t matter that I don’t have an even amount, because I never even used the five that I had.
It’s not that we don’t use chopsticks – we do. Both Ron and I like sushi, but when we get it as takeout we tend to use the disposable wooden chopsticks that come with our order. We do have some metal and wooden chopsticks that I bought during my travels, but even if we eat with those, I never set a formal table with chopstick holders -we just rest them on the edge of the plate – or more often than not, the styrofoam takeout box (have I mentioned I’m not a fan of doing dishes? I’m not). Lazy? Yeah, I guess. But I’ve come to recognize that lazy is who we are. These chopstick holders have been rattling around in my utensil drawer for about fifteen years, and though I think they’re beautiful and I like looking at them, I have to admit that I wouldn’t really display them, and for us, they are not useful.
I’m having a hard time letting go of them, though. Partly because I just like them, and partly because with all the stuff going on with Fukushima, I don’t know when the next time will be that I go back to Japan. It makes me so deeply sad to think about the effects of the radiation on the people who live there, and I know that it may be years and years – possibly even past my lifetime, before things get sufficiently cleaned up. I’m grateful I had the chance to go there when I did.
I’ve decided to keep just one of the chopstick holders – the one with the pink bird on it – to use as a holder for my favorite earrings when I’m not wearing them. It gets it out of the drawer and will remind me of a place I love so much, while also being useful.
The others I’m letting go, as a more sensible set of four. Sayonara.
Oh, hello there, LIFE. (Photo credit: Rhys Asplundh)
I can’t believe I’ve managed to keep a blog for half a year – it’s a new record for me!
The last two months have been especially difficult. I’m at that awkward midpoint of having made a lot of changes and achieved some progress, but still feeling defeated by having a long way to go, and for some reason I’ve been on an intense string of relentless setbacks, and bad bad bad luck lately (Seriously, WTF God/The Universe/Whoever is Responsible? Can you torment someone else for a while? Please?). Getting knocked down so much all at once has made me sad, and when I’m in that state, I gravitate back to old comfort behaviors – notably shopping. I found myself shopping online today to make myself feel better, and even put a dress in an online shopping bag. I didn’t go so far as to buy it – I stepped away from the computer and told myself if I came back later and still wanted it, I would buy it. And while I was stepped away, I got a speeding ticket. For the EXACT cost of the dress I wanted. Coincidence? Or just more colossal bad luck? Hard to say. Needless to say, I didn’t end up buying the dress.
I used to listen to a lot of Marianne Williamson, and I remember her saying in one of her lectures that when it seemed like a big wrecking ball was crashing through your life and tearing everything apart, it was actually a good thing, because it meant a true new beginning could finally start being built. I am trying to remember that right now, when everything feels terrible, and I really just want to give up and do whatever makes me feel better.
While I’m waiting for things to improve, here are some highlights from the past six months:
- I have not bought any new candy since the bag of jelly beans I bought right after Easter. Some gifted candy has drifted into our kitchen, but I have stuck to my vow to not personally buy any. We still have a fair amount of candy that we’re working our way through, but we’re nowhere near the glut of sugar we used to have.
- I am out of credit card debt. It has been a loooong time since I have been able to say that. It is a massive relief to not have to figure out where that payment is going to come from. I am now focused on helping Ron pay his card off, as well as our joint credit card, but having mine out of the way makes it a little less stressful.
- For the first time since we moved into our house about six years ago, all my clothes, shoes, and accessories are consolidated in our bedroom. I do still have a costume closet in the basement, but everything in it truly is a costume, and not something I would wear on a daily basis. It is so nice to have a reduced number of options to sort through, and to have them all in one place.
- Because we started meal planning, we are no longer wasting food, which feels GREAT. We also feel a huge relief that we know what is for dinner every night, and going to the grocery store is considerably easier, more focused, and less expensive than it’s ever been.
- I have really loved finding creative ways to use stuff I already have on hand to avoid buying more stuff, like making my own thank you cards, creating my own wrapping paper for gifts, and using recipes that employ what we already have in the cupboards. My stashes of stuff that I kept because “I might be able to use it someday” are in fact getting used. Who would have guessed?
- I’ve continued to get rid of stuff, while at the same time not buying anything new, and at this point, it’s become noticeable in our home that there is less clutter, less things to put away every day, and more airy, organized spaces. Some rooms do still need some work, but I’d say at least 4 out of the 9 spaces in our home are lagom.
And since finding lagom is all about balance, here are the lowlights of the past six months:
- Despite being out of debt on my credit card, we are probably looking at another full year at the least of living as frugally as possible while we shovel our way out of the rest of our debt. That thought absolutely depresses the hell out of me.
- Everything in our house has decided to break all at once. Our dishwasher just broke last week out of the blue. So while we may not be spending money on stuff we don’t need, we keep having to spend money on repairs for stuff we DO need, and therefore financially, we just can’t get ahead. I feel like we are living out some kind of karmic punishment for wrongs committed against appliances in the past.
- I hate how often I’ve had to say no to going out with friends because of money, and how many times I’ve had to curb spending money on gifts for people.
- I really miss going out to eat. Portland may be one of the best foodie cities in the country, and we are surrounded by great restaurants, with new ones popping up every month. I’ve never been a big fan of cooking and doing dishes, and we’ve done a TON of both over the past six months. While I like knowing that cooking keeps us on budget and takes away the “what should we have dinner” conundrum, I still really wish we could go out more often.
- I miss going to the movie theatre. We have been to exactly one movie in the past six months. We do have cable so we get to watch movies when they show up there, and for that I’m grateful. But for me, nothing will ever take the place of going to a movie while it’s still in the theatre.
- I still miss shopping – though at this point I miss it less because of the stuff, and more as a way to self soothe when I’m feeling down. I haven’t come up with anything yet that makes me feel as good, so there is a void there that I don’t know how to fill, and when I feel bad now, I have to just sit there and feel bad, which totally sucks. On top of that, life has given me a lot to feel bad about lately.
I’m hoping by the time I do my next quarterly check in in September, some of the longing and wistfulness I feel right now will have subsided. And that I will have found an emotional replacement for shopping. And that this bad luck streak will have run it’s course. And that some financial miracle will have resolved all our debt. Probably unlikely. But a girl can dream, can’t she?
I hate the grocery store. My dear friend Kristen thinks I hate the grocery store because I have so many run-ins with weirdos at the Fred Meyer (cheap basic grocery store) in my neighborhood where I usually shop. She insists I would have a better experience if I were to shop at the New Seasons (organic, fancy grocery store) nearest me, and she just gave me a New Seasons gift certificate to thank me for something I had been willing to do for her, but didn’t actually end up doing because ultimately she didn’t need me to do it. How how is that for an amazing friend? I love that woman. It will definitely come in handy, and I’m looking forward to spending it. But while I will probably reduce the weirdo factor at New Seasons, I can pretty much guarantee I will still hate the process of grocery shopping, because I have ALWAYS hated grocery shopping.
Why do I hate it? I have a theory. When I was really little I used to carry around a washcloth with a cartoon lion and tiger on it like a security blanket – kind of like Linus in the Peanuts comics. I lost that washcloth while grocery shopping with my mom at The Prairie Market in Salem, Oregon – and I think I’ve subconsciously resented the grocery store ever since.
One of the main reasons I’ve hated it in recent years is because Ron and I have typically gone to the store when we were a) hungry, and b) without any kind of a list or plan of what to buy. Sometimes we’ve each gone to the store in the same day, separately, and came home with doubles of things that we’ve been unable to eat before they’ve gone bad, like milk, bananas, and bags of salad greens. Because our shopping is so off the cuff, we frequently will be at the store, decide what we’re having for dinner, and then buy every single ingredient we could possibly need to make it since we don’t know what we already have at home. As a result, our cupboards and freezer get crammed with multiple cans of soups and sauces, bottles of condiments, packages of seasonings, frozen vegetables, and about a billion boxes and bags of half used snacks and baking supplies.
It’s not like I didn’t grow up with a good example around meal planning and grocery lists – I DID. My Mom would sit down every Friday or Saturday with her little sprial notebook, write down the days of the week, and then start filling in menu options next to each day. She often would ask for our input, and then probably regretted it as she dealt with our anguished cries and dramatic tears if we saw she had planned something we didn’t like that week (meatloaf, hamburgers, pork chops, any kind of fish). Once the menu was planned, she’d check her cupboards for supplies, make a detailed shopping list, and drag us to the store with her. She even used coupons. As the stay at home mom of a single income family with a husband who didn’t cook, she was a master of planning and preparing all meals for our family, within a budget, and on a schedule every night. It was impressive. She still does it to this day, and I’m sure it’s a relief not to have to include two picky kids in the process anymore.
But I have never done that – I just never developed the habit. When I was single I usually got takeout or made pasta at 11pm after I finally got home from work and rehearsal. When Ron and I got married, things changed some because he is such a good cook, but we would frequently come home after a long day and look at each other warily, wondering who was going to be the sacrificial lamb to figure out dinner since there was no plan and both of us would rather kill and eat the other person than get back in the car and go to the store.
Recently though, as I have been trying to figure out how to save money wherever possible, I got to thinking about my mom and her meal planning, and it occurred to me that she probably did such a detailed meal plan because it ensured she didn’t end up buying stuff she didn’t need and couldn’t afford. She knew exactly what she was cooking ever week, and stocked her cupboards accordingly. As I looked despairingly at my own overflowing cupboards and refrigerator/freezer, I decided it couldn’t hurt to give Mom’s way a try.
For a few weeks now, Ron and I have been making a meal plan for the week every Sunday. We start by looking in the freezer and cupboards for recipes we can make with the food we already have on hand, and we mostly just make a shopping list that includes fresh produce and random items to fill out specific dishes. I’ve started clipping coupons from the flyers that come to our house instead of automatically tossing them. And I try to make sure 80% of what I put in my basket is on sale.
I admit it sounds dreary and penny pinching. It leaves no real room for spontaneity or cravings (not that we can afford to indulge our cravings right now, but still). But I have to say, both Ron and I love it. We love knowing what we’re having for dinner every night, long before we’re both tired and grouchy with hunger. We don’t find ourselves tediously trying to defrost a frozen hunk of meat in the microwave so we can start cooking it. We don’t have to run to the mobbed store at 5:30 for ingredients along with all the other tired and grouchy people. Our cupboards and freezer are no longer so stuffed with items that they’re hard to close. And I’ve even been able to keep the refrigerator cleaner because I can easily see all the shelves and wipe them down on a regular basis – by the end of the week, our fridge is almost completely empty and ready for the next shopping trip.
But perhaps my favorite benefit is that we are no longer wasting tons of food like we used to. We not only plan meals that use up the new ingredients we buy, but we strategically think of ways to use leftover ingredients in what we cook later in the week. I always felt bad throwing so much uneaten food away, not only because we had wasted our own resources, but because I couldn’t help but think of the people in my own community who were probably going to bed hungry that night, while we casually tossed out food we had overbought. Now, we are using exactly the amount we have, no more, no less. It is, in every sense, lagom.
Today I told Ron that even after we’re out of debt and can breathe a little financially, I wouldn’t mind keeping to this system of meal planning and shopping lists, and he readily agreed. It makes a ton of sense. I will probably buy nicer food than I can afford right now (Fancy cheeses! Fancy olives! Fancy bread from Little T’s American Baker! At fancy stores like New Seasons!), but we’ll really get our money’s worth out of it, since we won’t be throwing anything away uneaten. And I might, just might, start to like grocery shopping for the first time in my life.
I know my mom is looking at this list and thinking “Burgers and meatloaf???? After all the time she complained about those items?” Yeah. Sorry Mom.
Ron’s birthday is coming up – May 22nd to be exact! It kind of crept up on me, and I realized today that I had better get down to the business of ordering a birthday cake.
Cake is very, very, VERY important to me. Anyone who knows me well, knows this to be true. I frequently buy single slices of cake at the supermarket because I’m craving it, and because I know if I bought a whole cake, I’d eat a whole thing–in like, three days or something. In my baby book, my first sentence is listed as, “I want cake.” The phrase “I would like some cake” is one of the only things I know how to say in Japanese, and it kind of seems like that would cover me for most situations. One year, Ron accidentally ordered the wrong kind of cake for my birthday (even though I had very specifically asked for the kind I wanted) and I almost broke down in tears of disappointment in front of everyone. I once stayed at a wedding reception where I hardly knew anyone and was super bored because I was waiting for the cake to be cut – and it was worth it.
So yeah, cake is a big deal to me. A big, BIG deal.
Ron typically wants an ice cream cake from Coldstone or a carrot cake for his birthday. We had a Coldstone cake for my birthday on May 10th, so he decided he wanted carrot cake for his. There is a bakery in town where I usually get his carrot cake, but this year we are pretty broke (okay, totally broke, May has been BRUTAL financially), so I decided to see if I could find a more affordable option.
Safeway, in my experience, actually does a pretty good job with cake, considering they are more of a grocery store than a bakery. And I knew they’d charge less than an independent bakery. I’ve bought individual carrot cake slices there for Ron as a treat, and I knew he really liked it, so I thought I’d give them a try. Good cake? Low price? Sounded lagom to me.
Here is a transcript of the actual conversation I had with the woman who answered the phone:
Me: Yes, I was wondering if I could get a price quote on a 2 layer 7-8″ round birthday cake?
Her: Oh, I have to ask (calling to someone else the room) Uh…how much for a (something unitelligible here)?
Guy in background: Huh?
Her: (louder and clearer, so I could hear it this time) How much for a python cake?
Guy: We don’t make a python cake.
Her (to me): We don’t make a python cake.
Me: What?
Her: (louder) WE DON’T MAKE A PYTHON CAKE.
Me: I didn’t ASK for a python cake. I asked for a PRICE QUOTE on a 2 layer round cake.
Her: Ohhhhh….uh, I don’t know. Let me ask. (to background guy) How much for a two layer cake?
Guy: $15.99
Her: (to me) $15.99
Me: Okay, I’ll go ahead and order one. (Long pause while she doesn’t answer). Let me know when you’re ready.
Her: (surprised) I’m ready.
Me: Okay, I’d like a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.
Her: You can get a frozen one.
Me: ….. Uh, what?
Her: You can get a frozen carrot cake.
Me: Uh..no. Just…no. A frozen cake? No.
Her: (surprised, a little huffy) They thaw out in like 30 minutes!
Me: WHY WOULD I CALL A BAKERY TO GET A FROZEN CAKE? WHY WOULDN”T I JUST GO TO THE FREEZER SECTION? THAT IS JUST STUPID.
Her: Well jeez…sorry.
Me: I think I need to call a bakery who likes to bake cakes.
Her: Well we could bake you a chocolate or vanilla one.
Me: So you sell slices of carrot cake, and you sell whole pre-made carrot cakes, but I can’t actually order a carrot cake.
Her: ….No.
Me: …..
Her: Would you like a cake?
Me: (click)
I hung up the phone and wavered somewhere between bewildered and furious. Was it just this dimwit girl I was talking to, or would the Safeway bakery really not make me anything but a vanilla or chocolate cake, even though I knew they sold carrot cake? I decided to try calling a different Safeway. The woman I talked to there was definitely more on the ball than the first woman, but she did confirm that it was only possible to order a chocolate or vanilla custom cake. Which kind of defeats the whole “custom” thing, if you ask me.
Maddening as both conversations were, I have to admit, it was a good reminder – you get what you pay for. If I had called the bakery I usually ordered from, or any number of independent, customer service oriented bakeries in town, I would not have had such a craptastic experience. It would definitely cost me more, but I would have felt sure the cake would be good, and the experience would have been more professional. In fact, if I actually HAD wanted a python cake, a good bakery would have said, “Great! I’ve never made a python cake. But I’ll figure out how to do it. Sounds fun!” And they probably would charge me a small fortune for having a such a weird, complicated order, but I think that’s only fair.
If the product is “just right”, and the price is reflective of the quality and complexity of the product, then I suppose that’s lagom…right?
I’m smiling, so the cake must have been right this year…
I found them. I found the Golden Birthday Cake Oreos. Thanks to a tip from my friend Sheila (who also happens to be Lucy’s mom), I tracked them down. I drove for forty five minutes in bad traffic, through a ton of construction, way out to the suburbs. But I found them.
I bought four packages. Don’t judge. DON’T JUDGE. One of them is for Lori, I swear. Forty five minutes is a long way to drive for cookies, I’m not going to do it again any time soon. And let me tell you, these did not disappoint. They taste like a vanilla birthday cake with sprinkles. I can’t stop eating them.
Although it was kind of a pain in the ass, I must admit, I love the hunt. Especially when I end up catching my prey. But you know what I love even more? Eating my fresh kill.
finding lagom 