I think I’ve mentioned here before that I am a first class procrastinator.  And I’ve never been sure why I do it, because it’s not like having pending things to do doesn’t affect me – it really does.  I’m the type who hates to be late, who loses sleep over a looming deadline, and who can’t totally relax and enjoy myself until things are complete.

There are so many things I want to do right now, things I should do right now, things I NEED to do right now, and for some reason I find myself doing an excellent job of staring at my to do list and not doing any of them.  I could even write a new blog post, for heaven’s sake, but because I haven’t really made any changes or progress in the last week, I haven’t been particularly inspired to do so.  Why haven’t I made any changes?  Because I’ve been PROCRASTINATING.

Here is just a short list of what I should have done today – a few of these things will get finished tonight because they have to get finished, but I can tell you right now most of it won’t:

  1. Run the dishwasher.  Yes, you read that right.  I don’t even have to wash dishes by hand – I have a dishwasher that does the work for me.  I need to gather up the stray glasses of water scattered around the house, and the few dishes that are in the sink waiting to be loaded, and run it.  But that would take efffffoorrrt.
  2. Take out the garbage, recycling, and compost.  I actually probably will do this tonight, since tomorrow is garbage day.  But I have literally been thinking all day that I need to do it, and haven’t done it yet.  My excuse?  It’s cold out.  And garbage is stinky.  I will be the jerk in the neighborhood who is dragging her loud garbage cans to the curb at midnight and disturbing your sleep.  You’re welcome.
  3. Record two chapters of the audiobook I’m working on.  I don’t know why it is, but every time I have an audiobook to do I get myself into a position where I am scraping it in against the last possible second of the deadline – where the slightest technical glitch or interruption to my recording schedule sends me into a white hot panic.  The problem is I always end up making it, so I’ve yet to suffer a consequence.  And like a lab rat, no consequence = no behavior change.  I think I might get one chapter done tonight, but I had such good intentions of doing two today.  I tried to get two done last night, but then Kramer Vs. Kramer was on cable and I got sucked in.  I didn’t even end up eating dinner as a result.   I can’t say it wasn’t totally worth it.
  4. Order new head shots.  Why haven’t I done this? I should have done this months ago. (I hope my agent is not reading this.)  I probably haven’t done it because I still have copies of my old one that I can use.  And unless I’m reaching into the file fifteen minutes before I need to leave for an audition and discovering it’s empty and freaking out, I just don’t tend to feel motivated to do it.
  5. Go back through my closet and get rid of more clothes, since I really do have more than my closet can hold now that I’ve consolidated everything.  UGH.  I’m DREADING doing this.  I know I need to do it, because lately I have been looking at my closet and thinking, “I don’t have anything to wear.”  I have learned this year that if you are looking at your overstuffed closet and thinking that, you must not like a lot of your clothes and you should get rid them.  But I still can’t afford to buy new stuff, so I find myself hanging on to things out of fear I’ll pare it down, get sick of that stuff, and then have no options.  I know, first world problem.  But it’s been bugging me for days and I need to deal with it.
  6. Take the clothes to resale, and take any money I get from that to the bank to put towards our credit card payment.  I don’t think I have to explain to anyone why I am putting this particular trifecta of tasks off.
  7. Record a couple voiceover auditions.  These I will do, because they’re due tomorrow.  Deadlines.  Thank god for them.  But they only work for me if they’re real, and real shame would be involved in missing them.  It’s not enough for me to set “fake” deadlines for myself, where I am the only person who would know and disapprove if something didn’t happen.  I am not afraid of me.
  8. Do laundry.  I won’t do this, even though the hamper is overflowing.  My excuse?  I need to record a bunch of stuff and since the laundry is in the basement w/my recording booth, I can’t do both at the same time.  Recording will win tonight.  Suck on that, laundry!  Hahahhahahahaha!  At least, that is what I will think until tomorrow when I need clean underwear.
  9. Read some plays.  The play reading committees I’m on are starting up again.  I’m excited, but now I’m also starting to feel the stress of how I’m going to keep up with my reading AND get the audio book done.  Just typing that sentence made me feel stressed.
  10. Answer about 7 emails from friends who I really, really like, but I haven’t answered their emails because I’ve wanted to write a thoughtful response and not a quick reply.  But now they probably think I’m a creep for taking so long to answer them, which tends to make me feel awkward and delay even longer.  If you are a friend who has not heard back from me recently, this is probably why.  Please forgive me.
  11. Clean the house.  Ron is currently out of town, and we always try to make sure that when one of us is gone, the other person cleans up the house before they get home so they can come home to peace and comfort instead of chaos and germs.  I’m not 100% sure it will happen this time around.  Sorry honey.  I’m a bad wife.  Please don’t be mad when you come home to a pile of mail and paperwork on the kitchen table, every scarf and coat I own strewn across the furniture, and piles of my clothes all over the bedroom.  And of course a dishwasher that still needs to be run and maybe some garbage and recycling I forgot to take out.

So you might be wondering, what I HAVE done today, or even this week for that matter, that has kept me from all this stuff?  Since I clearly haven’t been cleaning, or working hard or anything else important.  Well, I have managed to work out every day, and I did make it to a friend’s wedding reception, and I helped another friend put an audition on tape for a TV pilot he’s up for, and I did some dramaturg type work with a dance company for a new dance they’re creating, and I did complete a couple chapters of the audiobook.  But that is not a lot to show for almost a full week of time.  However,  I have accomplished one thing this week that I am very proud of – I have totally healed Stella’s wounded foot.  It has required making her wear the cone of shame, and even with that on, I have to constantly monitor her since she can still reach her toes if she stretches them out beyond the edge of it.  I’ve also had to keep her on a schedule of antibiotics and soak her foot in Epsom salts for ten minutes twice a day.  It’s to the point where she sees me get the bottle of medicine out of the fridge and  runs and hides under the kitchen table.  But after a week of diligence, the skin between her toes is healthy and wound-free.  And it didn’t cost hundreds of dollars like we thought it would – only $45 for the vet visit and meds, about five bucks for a bag of Epsom salts, and a lot of my time and effort.

Oh, and I guess I DID just write a new blog post.  Ha.

For this week, that will just have to be lagom.

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SIGH.

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