Did anyone else have a totally craptastic May?  We sure did.  Ron and I looked at each other wearily last night and said, “June will be better, right?  Because June HAS to be better.”

I started to make a list of what went so wrong, and as lists will often show you, it was a bit less dire specifically than it was generally.  Truly, we have first world problems, and I should shut up about them.  Most of our worries are financial at the moment, and May brought us a doozy of expenses:  my birthday, my mother’s birthday, Ron’s birthday, my brother in law’s birthday, SAG/AFTRA dues, Equity dues, website hosting fees, medical bills, household bills, and of course our mountain of debt.  It seemed like no matter how hard we worked to economize, cut back, go without, or do less, there was always some new expense staring us down.

It also was a month of “no” for both Ron and I in terms of things we were trying to accomplish with our work, which led to a lot of daily discouragement, and venting about it at home.  And because we care about each other, we took on a lot of the other person’s angst and frustration.  The dinner table has been a conversation no fun zone lately.

I agreed to serve on three theatre committees this year – two involving play reading, and one involving play watching, and everything culminated in late April/May.  They were all unpaid, and took a serious time commitment.  I’m really glad I did them all, and I have learned a LOT.  But the process was not without it’s frustrations, especially in the moments where you are trying to come to an agreement with a group of smart people who all have strong and diverse opinions about a piece of work that you also feel passionately about (either because you love it or hate it).  I know that the process and arguments often lingered with me beyond the actual meeting, and sometimes affected my general mood (see “dinner table no fun zone” above).

Ron got a surprise bonus (hooray!), right as his car started leaking fluid all over the ground and had to be fixed (aww…).  We thought he might have to get a new one, and in the process of looking at options came to the realization that any car he actually wants we cannot afford. The repairs took the full cost of the bonus and then some.  One of the repairs was for something he had done at the dealership a year and a half ago, and at the time they said, “If you do this now, you won’t have to worry about it ever again.”  They lied.  And did not stand by their work.  When Ron asked, the guy scoffed at him and said “We only stand by it for a year.”  Hey, Sunset Audi?  You SUCK.

That’s really the worst of it, right there.  See what I mean?  Not a long list, and nothing that can’t be overcome.  As they say, if I were to see a list of someone else’ problems, I’d probably want mine back.  And some good stuff happened – I got a new computer, my desk is finally clean, we didn’t have any vet bills, and Portland had some seriously beautiful summer-like weather last month.  I cut my credit card debt in half.  The hammock is out in the backyard.  I am blessed with such loving friends and family I tear up just thinking about them.

And I have a husband who continues to love and support me doing what I am passionate about, even when what would really help us financially right now would be for me to go get a desk job.  With that on my side all year long, I think I can weather a bad month or two.

cuddly Stella

You can come out now, Stella – May is over!