Sooooo…I kinda bought something.  Something I really wanted, but not something I needed.  It wasn’t extravagantly expensive ($32), but I did buy it online and charged it to my credit card, which of course is a step backwards on the progress I was making there.

I feel guilty about it.

Some people may read this and think, “Well you SHOULD feel guilty.  You’ve been complaining nonstop about your debt, and then you go and compound the problem.  How ridiculous.”

Others may think, “Thirty two bucks?  Eh, not so bad.  Try not to do it again, but let it go – it’s not going to ruin you.”

I like the reasonable, forgiving, possibly enabling people in the second mind frame better.  Unfortunately, my conscience is a big, loudmouthed, judgemental member of the first group.  And it is in my head, yelling at me.

To justify my behavior (since that is what guilty people are wont to do), let me explain what I bought, and why I bought it.  In December, Ron bought me an iPhone 5 for Christmas, and I can honestly say it is my favorite, most used, most loved possession.  My previous phone had been an iPhone 3, so the super cute Kate Spade case I had for that phone wouldn’t fit the new one.  I checked Kate Spade for iPhone 5 cases, but at the time the selection was super limited, and there was nothing I loved, so I bought a cheap case for about ten bucks at Fred Meyer, and decided to wait to buy one I really liked later, when more options were available.

But then, in January, I started this blog.  And pretty much cut myself off cold turkey from buying anything for myself that wasn’t absolutely necessary, until my debt was under control.  It is now mid-April and I have stuck to that promise.  The only store I have visited and spent money at since January has been the grocery store – I have barely even set foot in any other establishments for fear of the damage I might do.   So there has been no shopping highs for me, and as I’ve mentioned, the withdrawal is really hard for me.

The cell phone case I have is totally serviceable, but I’ve never liked it.  I bought it intending to replace it, but it all just timed out weirdly with this whole lagom seeking thing.  And then, this weekend, while idly browsing on Pinterest, I saw a case that made my heart pitter-pat with excitement, because it was so perfectly what I was looking for.

Did I need it?  NO.  Did I want it?  YES-YES-YES-YES-YES!  Badly.  Not just because I liked it, but also because I had a really, really, frustrating weekend – partially due to the behavior of others, and partially due to some of my own stupidity.  In the emotional funk I was in, I was super susceptible to the Hot Clutches of the Want Monster, and when it reared it’s angry, depressed, resentful, stuff-starved head, I decided to let it stomp around and run the show for a minute.

And it did.  It ordered the cell phone case.  The site said the case was on backorder for several weeks, but to my surprise, it showed up today in the mail.  I feel guilty for loving it, but damn, do I ever love it:

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I hope I can get over the guilt and enjoy it.  And I hope the next time I feel as blue and bummed out as I did this weekend, I can find a better way to manage those feelings.  I got away with $32 this time.  But I can tell you from experience, I am not always so lucky.

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